Etiquette Queen

Don't forget to email your etiquette questions to etiquettequeen [AT] gmail [DOT] com

I see all of you searching for answers, and I promise to answer as quickly as I can.

It was with great chagrin that I must tell you that a member of our dinner party clipped his fingernails at the bar last night. It took all of my strength not to say "I ALREADY WROTE A POST ON THIS."
When his wife had 4 strokes and a heart attack over his behavior he snidely said "It's not like Emily Post is here and writing an article about it."

No dear, the Etiquette Queen is here and she is most certainly making it her first post of the new year. I have nationwide readers too dumbass.

I had a question from Nicole regarding her sons being invited to a double birthday party for twins. Nicole asks the following:

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The Etiquette Queen gives a shout out to all the moms teaching their children good manners! Let me know your good manners stories!

Calibelle informed me that she and her husband went to dinner tonight at Paradise Bay in Sausalito. She looked over at the person sitting down from them and realized that this person was CUTTING HER FINGERNAILS. ON THE BAR. Any bar that serves meals is too nice for such behavior. I give it two thumbs down in the "Etiquette Queen's Scale of Social Deviancy." The WORST PART? When Calibelle inquired about the nail cutting, the bartender said "Oh yeah, she does it all the time." VOMIT! Somebody call Health and Human Service, pronto!

I have alluded to my supper club in other posts, and I always get the question, "What is supper club? Is it a southern thing?" The answer to that is unclear. In researching the history of the supper club, it actually began in the 30's and 40's as a place where people could eat supper, and stay for music and dancin. Here in the South, it has morphed into a group of people (generally couples) that meet once a month and enjoy a meal and fellowship together. Oh yeah... they also drink a LOT of wine. At least I do. Apparently, some folks even play games.

As I perused the internet, I see that ANYONE can start a supper club. You can do a "Moms night out Supper Club" where every month you try a different restaraunt, have a night out away from the kids. Bible study supper club, Men's Supper Club (ok, you gotta either be a lot metrosexual or a little gay for that). You get the picture though. A Supper Club is what you make of it. The Club that we are in is the "Sunday Seven Supper Club." Seven couples meet on the seventh day once a month. We meet 8 out of 12 months and host a large Christmas party. We take off tax season (two accountants) and summers. So far, the group has been a success. We have a nice meal, good conversation, and enjoyable debates.

You should pick an interesting mix of people. Invite your best friends, but ask for their friends as well. Set ground rules and a framework of dates. If you don't do that from the get-go the club will die down and people will beg off. If everyone knows what to expect from the start things will flow much smoother.

It is a good idea to have an annual meeting to decide on dates and times. We meet and decide who will host what month. This year we have two babies due, two weddings, and a move. We try to plan around that. My month was October. We also split the cost of the Christmas party, but it is hosted at one person's house or we can rent a place. We also vote on a President and a Secretary. We don't need a Treasurer or a VP. We also have a Chaplain that asks the Blessing every meeting.

This is a starter post, if you have any specific questions, put them in the comments and I will try to help!

Instant messenging has become a hallmark of our connected society. I even have AOL and Yahoo on my supertrendy Treo phone. I have four groups of buddies-- My Pals, Work Pals, Family, and Acquaintences. Occasionally I IM the wrong thing to the wrong person. Sound familiar? Leslie inquired about IM etiquette and started me on a chase for how to do things properly.
Im is instantaneous, its fast, its curt, and once it is out there it can not be withdrawn. This article has some good suggestions and is a great start.

One thing I encounter is who has the responsibility for setting limits? Should I set my status to "Online but working" when I don't want idle chit chat, or does the sender have the responsibility for asking? I think it is a little bit of both. If I am really busy, I need to set my status properly or not sign on. At the same time, an IM is a window that just pops into a person's computer. You should always say "Hi, time to chat?" Or "Just saying Hi! Let me know if you have a second to chat today!"

How about ending a conversation? Sometimes I walk away and leave the computer on for ten minutes, an hour, etc and then I come back. If you are mid conversation you should drop a quick, "BRB" for close contacts (spell it out for others). That doesn't mean you have to go through the "Hi" and "Bye" all the time. If you just intermittantly IM throughout the day, its no big deal. You don't have to "Hang up" every time you leave the computer. Your reader can see that you are "Away" or "Idle".

If you IM someone and they don't get back to you, take it as a hint that they are away or can't talk. Don't send a billion messages "Hello?" "You there?" "Hi, checking in again?" "Are you ignoring me?" "Did I do something to make you mad?" Chances are the answer to all of those questions is "No." Your recepient just has something else to do at the moment, chill out and let them get back to you.

One thing I have learned the hard way is that sarcasm and wit do not always come across properly on IM. Be very careful when picking, teasing, or testing. If it is a friend, you may want to make little smileys or winkies so at least there is some clue to your emotion.

Always remember, that you can't unsend an IM. If you cut and past conversation A into Conversation B and then say "Isn't she a bitch?" and you accidentally post that into A, you are just screwed. Mama always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

And as always, do as I say and not as I do folks! Next time we will be planning a supper club, from creating one all the way to the night you host supper club. I know you are on the edge of your seats!